Titles have never been my thing, but it is in fact New Years Day so let’s just start there. Anyone else feeling more anxious than excited on this first day of 2019. I know (or hope) I am not the only one. I have the entire day off to reflect and contemplate the past and future and WOW is that not relaxing. My 11 year old is completely enjoying (and taking advantage) of the day with TV, reading and craft projects (colorfully displayed throughout the apartment). I am taking the day to sort through a years worth of magazines, receipts and discarded journal attempts. I find myself casually popping online to break up the tediousness of this task and becoming completely overwhelmed by the lack of sparkle in my life. So many beautiful couples and families and vacations. My reality is more sweatpants, to do lists, arguments with the level of stink required before my pre-teen needs to actually clean herself and priority in bills to be paid based on which one will be just a late fee or a cancellation of service. This is most of our realities. It is not the one we share with the moms at school and it does not photograph well but it does seem to be the closest to the truth for most of us. The truth can be hard and scary especially when we look to those around us who seem to have such sparkle.
Where do we begin? As a professional in the health and wellness field I am suppose to have answers and quick tips to cure your emotional and physical ailments. Believe me I wish I had the one magical answer for you. Here is what I do have…Hope. Yeah I know, try not to gag or delete me now. Hope is the possibility that things will change. The possibility that our lives will improve. I do in fact have hope. It is what helps. Oprah will say gratitude. Be grateful and write that down. I have that too but it is not what gets me through the day. Hope is what allows me space for gratitude. I have been on the edge of hopelessness. It is dark and lonely there. Without hope we can not see past the cliff’s edge.
You are not alone. You are not the only one. Not everyone’s lives are photo perfect or Instagram pretty. Most of what I find worthy in my life is far from pretty. The grit the work the sweat those are the moments of change and transformation. My life is not perfect. It is not where I want it to be as far as money and physical fitness but it is exactly where I want it to be in that I love what I do. I love the daughter I have and her excitement and artistic eye. I love the challenges of the day and the community I am creating. I love that each day I learn something new. I love that even though I can not always increase the number in my bank account I can always manifest what I need. In 2019 I want to have more hope. I want to feel that others around me are also hopeful. That there are some people out there standing on the cliff of hopelessness that are choosing to step back. Maybe a small step but enough to see the sliver of hope that can grow. Life is hard, but it is also amazing. We never know how things can shift and change. So in 2019 I have hope and that is what I pass on to you.
Looking back on my blog I realize I did not contribute anything in 2018. Truth is I was not sure where to go with this blog. But after a long ass year, I realized the world does not need perfect. We need action and truth. So I am choosing to write when I feel called to and give up the idea that anything I write needs to be perfect or meaningful. I hope that sometimes it amuses you and helps you feel not so alone. My only rule to myself is that I must be truthful. I’m so tired of pretending my life is Instagram perfect. I mean if you know me at all you know my life is so not that.
2018 was a year of fire. Many issues came to the surface. It was unexpected and at times it was damn hard. I’m not sure if anyone else can relate but it was the year during which any issue that I was putting off came to the surface and refused to leave until I dealt with it. Needless to say there were many changes. I am someone who would rather deal with difficult situations than deal with the uncertainty change brings. I plan. I love to plan. I make notes and lists and pin them EVERYWHERE!!!
Last year I was determined to move out of NYC. I wanted a life in the woods with a community and more ease. Unfortunately, the Universe had other intentions. I never fully found a town I felt at home in. My financial situation was less than stellar. My business, while gaining attention was not bringing in money and the idea of making a move when I could barely afford to survive was just not happening. I made the decision to remain in NYC and change what I could. This also meant getting down to the core of some issues. Mainly survival issues like money and love, the two main themes I ignore and bury.
Now is about the time in a blog that the author will sell you on how to make money and gain love. Sorry, but I do not have the answers. I wish I did. BELIEVE ME! Here is what I do know. 2018 made me face some shit. It was hard and scary and not always what I wanted to see. But I got through it. AND while I was facing those scary things there were so many unexpected people and events that came into my life. Did it bring love and money…not yet. But it did bring hope and transformation. Somehow during this year I found the connection and community I craved without moving. It is not a small community where we bring each other pies and help out with the kids, but it is a true community of people that I love. Most of them are not in NYC but I am learning that this is actually OK. I have learned the value of FaceTime and am also learning that it truly is possible to feel a deep connection to someone who is not physically in my space.
It has also been a year of magic. This will be a theme and a longer post to come. I have seen themes of witchcraft and magic becoming more mainstream in commercial areas and social media. I have a lot to say on the topic, but will have to give it more space. I grew up in a family where religion was not a priority but ghost stories and experiences were “normal”. I was not raised Pagan. I was not taught witchcraft. I was, however drawn toward it and curious. It was something I explored on and off over the years in different ways. 2018 brought me back to this in a major way. My Akashic Record Keepers and Spirit Guides helped me see the block I had around magic and the word witch. Somewhere in my spirit I continued to feel shame around owning the title witch or admitting I believe and practice magic. It was still something I felt I needed to hide. Like many other areas in my life, I chose to come out of hiding. I embraced my magic and also began to help others embrace their own. There is so much that goes into this including history, ancient times and healing and I really can not wait to share my journey. I am still learning and embracing it. It truly is a practice.
What can you expect from this blog in the new year. I honestly can’t say. Some days will be all about my earthly mom life embracing my flaws and mistakes. Some days will be about wellness, both tips and the people I meet along the way. There will definitely be entries about magic both history and potions. It will be me. My life and my journey. There will be some times you will read and roll your eyes and other time you will take away a new tip that hopefully helps in some way. I will not be following the pattern that marketing professionals suggest because I just can’t be that organized. I will write each time from where I am at that moment. Like you and life, that moment will change. Like they say in yoga….”take what serves you and leave what doesn’t”.
I am hoping 2019 allows us all the freedom to be who we truly are or at least the space to explore who we want to be.